Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sick of Technology

Since I am a terrible blogger and haven't written in several months...and I have no followers, I am pretty sure nobody is going to read this.  That being said, I am going to vent.

My husband has been spending way more time than normal on his laptop lately, and after awhile I started to wonder why.  After 3-4 hours a night on the computer, I ask him to get off and spend time with me, and he immediately grabs his phone and starts browsing the web there. I decided to check up on him (in front of him) and see what has been consuming so much of his time, and I was shocked to realize that it was porn.  Not only has he been looking at it on his laptop with me in the room, he was looking at it several times a day on his phone-sometimes on his lunch break at work.

To some wives this isn't an issue at all, they just don't care.  From the time I was 18 to about 23, the man I was with was an internet porn addict.  I finally got away from him, and I promised myself I would never be with another man like him.  Mike was my best friend, he completely understood where I was coming from, and he proimsed that porn would never be part of our marriage unless we were looking at it together. 

He spent a year in Afghanistan, where he viewed porn on a daily basis (and swore he wasn't).  He came him in May and has barely showed any interest in me.  After I saw all of the porn on his computer and phone, he came clean and admitted that he's addicted to porn.  He is seeing an addiction counselor starting next Thursday (my 31st birthday) and hopefully he will make some progress.

Mike has lied to me about hundreds of little things throughout our entire marriage (5 years and 3 months) and the porn is the straw that broke this camel's back.  I am so angry and hurt, and I just don't understand why he would choose porn over making love to his wife!  Currently-he is sleeping in the guest bedroom, and I think that for now it's really for the best.  I am so angry that when he wouldn't stop snoring last night I was tempted to push him out of bed-which really isn't very nice.  I am going to stand by him while he gets help, but I can't and won't take any more.  One more lie, one more inappropriate web page...and I'm going to have to leave.  I love him more that I ever thought possible, but I feel more hurt and betrayed than I ever thought possible-and I have for over 5 years.  He probably won't change, but I'm going to give him this one last chance. 

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