Nightmares

A very wise friend told me that the last few months of deployment are the hardest.  I didn't realize how stressed I have been until I started having terrible nightmares that he is just gone.  I don't know what happened, but he's not here anymore and all I can do is cry.  Luckily, he usually calls and interrupts the nightmare and I can breathe a huge sigh of relief.  I didn't hear from him today and I'm sure he's fine, but the nightmare is always in the back of my mind.  I can't wait for him to just be home so I don't have to worry anymore!  I cry at the drop of a hat in the most inappropriate places, and I'm getting pretty sick of it!

I had an endoscopy and a biopsy taken of my stomach today.  Very standard procedure; but as I was laying there waiting to be sedated, another patient woke up and they brought his wife in.  Tears just started rolling down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them off, and I didn't even really know why!  They rolled me into the procedure room and I started crying even harder-then they shoved oxygen tubes in my nose which made me very uncomfortable because my nose was running!  As I started falling asleep, I realized that I was crying because there was nothing I wanted more than for Mike to be there when I woke up.  I woke up to my mom sitting there watching me sleep, and the first thing I told her (in my sedated state) was that I dreamed about Mikey, and it was a good dream.  Every day that passes is one closer to him coming home, and I have to say I can't wait to have the old me back!

Fostering

First things first...I changed my blog name to Ladybug Love.  I want to write about things other than adoption, and this is much more fun!

I know that I'm a terrible blogger, but not much has changed so there's not much to write.  Mike and I have decided to try our hand at foster parenting when he gets home...if they will take us!  If we can't adopt or conceive right now, we'd like to have children involved in our lives somehow.  There are so many foster parents who do it for the very small paycheck that they receive, and couldn't care less about the children. I know that Mike and I will actually have the best interest of the children in mind, and maybe we can make a difference!   I am so grateful for my amazing friends and family, who deal with my mood swings and breakdowns.  Seeing everyone around me effortlessly make babies really takes a toll sometimes, but I know that my time will come...even if we end up adopting a child and not an infant.