Not this time

So, I got the call yesterday.  The lady from the adoption agency left me a voicemail, and I could tell by the tone of her voice that we didn't get the baby...but I called her back anyway.  I handled the call well, and she was reassuring that they would keep looking.  I had a breakdown several hours later, when I was in my car alone; and it was a pretty bad one.  I expected this news, I was 95%  sure that we wouldn't get the baby, but it was still hard to hear.  The birthmother took over 2 weeks to decide between us and 1 other couple, so I know that she really considered both families.  I just can't help but wonder if the agency swayed her toward the other family because they may have had the money up front, and we would have had to apply for loans.  I told Mike today and he seemed a little sad but also relieved, and I don't blame him.  I know this whole process is completely different for him than it is for me, he's excited but he doesn't feel the deep need to be a parent the way that I do.  I'm feeling a little pissed about a specific family member who seems to be trying to come between us...when we are already thousands of miles apart, so I'm going to close this for now so I don't say anything that I may regret.